Ever since I can
remember I liked notebooks and anything stationary. Today, while I was
cleaning/ de-cluttering my desk, I found all my old journals. It was a very
interesting moment. The queer thing is that they were all spread out in the
tiny space that my desk is. I snapped two or four cameroid pics (ahem) and then
put them all nicely back in the desk, but this time together. My not so little journals
family of nine! Actually, the journal on top is the one I’m writing in right
now, but it’s just like family.
The little journal at
the base (it’s the little things they say. sometimes it’s literally) was begun in
2004. Twenty-0-four. I don’t wanna count and see how old was I back in 2004. Ever
since, I have journaled in a more or less organized/passionate way. An inside
secret: I also burned a notebook-turned-journal. The drama I burned with that
journal can be found in the first (chronologically speaking) two or three of
the remaining journals, so no loss there.
I am so glad I found
these. Why? 1) I read a bit from 1-2 of them but I quickly closed them because I
was rather ashamed of what I wrote a thousand years ago. I was so dumb and
silly. And I am not proud of my back-then grammar. Argh! I think the first
thought that came into my mind after I read one of my stupidities was that “OMG!
I must burn this someday! I don’t want anyone to read this idiocy!” Clearly,
there is a new item on my get-this-done-before-it’s-too-late to do list. 2) As
dumb-o these journals are, I noticed over the years how it has given me a sense
of discipline. For example, for my second 101 in 1001 list I had one goal ofjournaling every day for a month. I did that. For my first 101 in 1001 list I
had a goal of journaling for six months. I don’t remember how I did on that
goal (though, if I had finished I would have remembered, right?), but I
remember trying to be organized in my thoughts and ideas and trying to make
time to jot down some daily happenings. I was good.
Nowadays, I think I lost
my mojo. :(
I like to vent in writing and it’s cool that I can do it bilingually. :)
Having found all these notebooks reminded me why I like to keep a journal in
the first place: it’s good to look back at your stack of notebooks and at different
journal entries from different years and to be able to say “Oh, God! Thank You
for growth and for not remaining in the state I was back then!” Or, as some like
to call it, change. Either way.
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